All Is Not Fair

All Is Not Fair

It was on a Saturday afternoon in April that I learned I was pregnant with Kiri.  I had been irritable and anxious all week, wanting to know but afraid of the answer.  I had just returned home from helping to clean a neighborhood park in honor of Earth Day, and I didn’t bother to shower … Continue reading

Links of Hope

Links of Hope

When I was pregnant with Kiri, I shared with one doctor a secret. In my heart of hearts, I believe we will bring this baby home. I don’t like to say that aloud because I don’t want to appear arrogant and risk being punished for it. I lived almost every day with Kiri with trepidation. … Continue reading

This I Believe

This I Believe

This I believe: I am my daughter’s mother. I’ve always recognized that I live a much easier life than many. My native country endured a civil war, I was born amidst it, but I didn’t suffer through it. Instead, my existence—my incessant crying and hunger pangs—put others around me at risk. Still, I didn’t show … Continue reading

August Has Come

August Has Come

I fear August.  I fear the slyness and swiftness with which it moves.  I fear the beautiful ring of its name: ancient, robust, wise.  And I fear the force with which it departs. I feel rattled.  Unsteady.  Restless. My breaths are short and hurried. My belly quivers. I lost both of my children in the … Continue reading

Taking Them With Me

Taking Them With Me

The night before I was to deliver our daughter, Danith turned to me in bed and said that he would be sure to take pictures of her for me.  I said that I would rather he didn’t.  He said that one day I would want pictures.  I rested my hands on my belly that had … Continue reading